


There's no Oscar for producing.

by KahunaBurger



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Civil War Team Iron Man, Crack Treated Seriously, Discworld References, Gen, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Steve Rogers critical, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23354044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KahunaBurger/pseuds/KahunaBurger
Summary: Dr Strange was looking at the wrong thing when he examined those millions of futures. It wasn't about strategies. It was about stories.
Comments: 102
Kudos: 394
Collections: A Collection of Beloved Inserts, Tony Stark Bingo 2020





	1. This ain't the illegal immigrant nanny

**Author's Note:**

> For the Tony Stark Bingo square K5 "Steve Rogers/Captain America"

Stephen leaned back into the support of the Cloak as he tried to understand all the futures he had seen. Stark's calm voice grounded him in a way he found paradoxically annoying. He reminded Stephen so much of himself before the accident, but then ruined it with these moments of kindness. Like it wasn't the arrogance of success that had made him an asshole back then after all.

"How many do we win?"

Right, focus. He almost said, "One." He had ended his search on something very close to a victory - for Earth at least - and it would give them something to strive for; prolong this battle as far as they could. But the futures didn't make sense and this man and his 'ward' were nearly as smart as he was, if not in the same fields. 

"Win as in a clean victory here? None." He saw faces fall all around him, but Stark just focused in on the implied other possibilities.

"On Earth? Did you see what they are trying as well?"

"I did, but… there were some times they came so very close, as did we, but it is as if some force of fate requires that Thanos at least temporarily reach his goal."

"Temporarily?" Now the self-styled Star Lord spoke up. "So there are ways we can, what, gather more allies, maybe get folks like the Kree and Skrull working together long enough to get the Gauntlet from him and reverse what he does?"

"Something like that, but the attempts that do and don't work, and the methods of reversal that are and aren't possible…" He clenched his fists in frustration, ignoring the pain. "It doesn't make sense!"

Stark cocked his head slightly. "It doesn't make sense as in there is no pattern, or the pattern is crazy and shouldn't be able change the outcomes that way?"

"The latter."

"Okay, so tell us what you saw and anyone who wastes our time telling you it doesn't make sense goes in time out. We deal with what is, and make a plan around it." Stark gave a quick glare around the group. "Constructive responses only, I mean it."

Stephen appreciated the help, but couldn't stop himself from smirking as he dropped the worst bombshell first. "The only outcomes that can be considered successes are under the leadership of Steve Rogers, and the vast majority of them require him to gain enough power to personally hold off Thanos at a crucial juncture."

The other man's facial journey was fantastic, but sadly Mr Parker broke first. 

"That's ridiculous! Captain America isn't really that good a leader, and him being in charge would exclude lots of Earth resources, and even if he was, why would him getting a power boost help as opposed to having more powerful people, it doesn't make any se-"

"Underoos, time out!" The young hero turned a pair of truly betrayed puppy eyes on Stark, but he remained unmoved. "You heard the rules, step back, no talking for five minutes!"

"Captain America?" Star Lord scrunched up his face in an unattractively exaggerated thinking pose. "Like, from the comics about World War Two?"

"From the actual World War Two," Stark corrected, obviously not pleased with the subject. "Miraculously thawed out alive six years ago and promptly given leadership of the Avengers, until he led them right into being international fugitives." He faced Stephen squarely. "I assume none of the attempts he leads involve anyone he doesn't personally trust?"

"Not in any parts he plans," he acknowledged with a wry nod. "In the cases where the fight with Thanos continues after the Reversal, I am sometimes able to portal returned fighters to back him up. And no, the strategy of bringing such reinforcements here or to Earth before Thanos wins somehow never works. Nor do interstellar coalitions of objectively more powerful individuals. Also, many of the reversals are delayed by up to a decade because Rogers tends to believe that Thanos is able to destroy all the Infinity Stones." 

"But you said-"

"Aaaht!" Stark whirled on the unfortunate Mr Parker. "You're still in time out. And it doesn't matter if we now know you can't destroy those things without doing permanent harm to the fabric of the universe, or how many people should have pointed that out, we are dealing with what Mr Wizard saw!"

"You also play a crucial role in most of the successful reversals, generally making the Captain's plan actually possible, and often sacrificing yourself to wield the reconstructed Gauntlet."

"Of course I do." Stark looked disgusted but unsurprised. "We can only win 'together' under Rogers' leadership, with him holding onto his heroic self concept until his sheer determination bends the narrative around him."

The antennaed woman spoke up for the first time. "You are saying that the captain of Quill's people is a Fate Anchor?" At his and Stark's blank looks she elaborated. "One born to be the hero of his story, whom the universe will indulge in his reckless risks and provide with coincidences and allies to progress his goals."

"Yeah, that's old Capsicle to a T, alright. Sounds more like a Discworld plot than a real thing, though."

"My people spoke of them as well," the large man, Drax, put in. "I tried to become one to gain my revenge, but in the end accepted that I did not hold that sort of sway. Quill is the closest to an Anchor of all of us. I was able to achieve some satisfaction once I became part of his story."

Stark gave him a questioning look, and Stephen assumed a superior expression by instinct as he mentally scrambled. "The teachings of the Mystic Arts obviously do not use that exact term or such anthropomorphic descriptions, but it is true that certain events often form fixed points in otherwise divergent possible futures. Such a thing being focused on a person but not fixed in time or place is something I had not yet encountered, but not out of the question."

For a moment he was certain the other man was going to call bullshit on his entire ramble, but in the end he only had to endure a knowing smirk before Stark clapped his hands and said, "Right, then! If that's what we're dealing with, we deal with it! Spider Boy, you're back in; let's get dramatic, everyone!"


	2. We're locked into Albania

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the Tony Stark Bingo square S2 "Peter Quill/Star-Lord"

"Dramatic, huh?" Star Lord grinned happily. "Yeah, I can do dramatic. I challenged Ronan to a dance off to distract him once! Got the Power Stone away from him, too."

Drax was less enthusiastic. "But it cannot be our drama, this time. It must center around the Anchor of this story."

"Right…" He turned to the future seeing wizard guy. "Lemme guess : in the timelines where you brought a bunch of reinforcements to Earth, you pretty much took over?"

Wizard guy looked even more constipated than normal. "Obviously I worked with the Wakandan leaders or Stark liaised with the joint military forces if we got there in time to move the field of conflict…"

"Yeah, that's gonna be the first thing to go, no 'liaise'ing. We show up in the nick of time, we go straight to El Capitan and say that, uh, Thor sent us? Or you? Who does he trust?"

"Definitely say Thor sent you." Iron Dude was fiddling with something on his very cool armor. (How did Earth get that cool since he left?) "It's best that I not show up until the battle is in swing, and then it will need to be bearing gifts. Gandalf, there was a lot of fancy looking stuff in your tea room, anything that could protect Rogers or give him a boost of some sort?"

The spider guy jumped in excitedly. "Ooh, you could give him something and say that only the righteous can use it, or that you need someone incorruptible! I bet he'd eat that up."

"Hmph, just tell the group of them that you need someone like that, and they'll push him forward while he does his 'aw shucks, I'm just a little guy' routine; it will fit his story even better." Damn, that was some deep salt, Peter was starting to think Iron Dude was a bitter ex and he didn't just mean ex-teammate. But it was thematic.

"Right, we show up as the battle's starting with the wizard, we say, 'Thor sent us to help,' wizard says, 'I must stay back to protect my super special green rock, but I have the magic sword of +2 Titan Bane, if only there was a paladin to wield it…"

"I think this guy needs a plus five fire frost," Spider dude interrupted.

Plus five? "At our level!?"

Iron Dude snorted. "Power creep. Meanwhile, Fizbin, does your Stone do anything physical, like super aging or something, I need to test a theory."

Wizard guy drew himself up to give some sort of boring-ass speech about how the sacred green rock was not a plaything to do party tricks blah, blah, blah, but deflated and picked up a clump of sand, crumbled it, then used green glowies to run it in reverse back up to his hand. Neat!

"Cool!" Spider dude leaned in. "Can you do that with people? Can you bring back the dead?"

"Focus, kid." Iron Dude put a glowing hockey puck on the ground and scratched the surface with a tool that morphed out of his glove. Earth got way cool when he wasn't looking. "Can you fix that?"

Wizard guy looked even more annoyed, but waved the rock again. Only the green glowies seemed to slide right off.

Iron dude slumped in relief. "Yes! It blocked the Mind Stone's powers during Loki's invasion, so I was hoping it would work on the others too." He picked up the puck and slid it back into the side of his armor. "The material it runs on can only be created with a particle accelerator and was discovered during studies of the Space Stone. I need to get back to my workshop, I know exactly what to bring Rogers for a battle-warming present. The plan sounds good, assign parts and get everyone to Wakanda."

Wizard guy still seemed a little stunned but looked hopeful for the first time as he made a portal. Drax just frowned.

"Why would a battle need to be warmed?"

Quill scowled at him. "How come you don't understand metaphors but you know all that Fate Anchor stuff?"

Mantis was the one who responded, in a slightly confused tone. "Because Fate Anchors aren't metaphors, of course. They're completely real."


	3. We'll punch in a kitten later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last minute addition to the Tony Stark Bingo, square R2 : Peter Parker/Spider-Man.

Peter leapt through the amazing gold portal as soon as Mister Doctor Strange was done talking to his wizard friend. (How many wizards lived in New York anyway? (And why didn't they help with the alien invasion back in 2012? (Maybe they did but they have a Statute of Secrecy and hid it?))) The two male Guardians of the Galaxy (which was a much cooler name than Avengers) followed, leaving the happy bug lady to help with a delaying action back on Titan.

"Wow, cool place!" Other Peter (Peter was the main Peter because Mr Stark gave him an important job and he knew the wizards first) said, peering around. "So where do you keep your weapons, we've got a Titan to kill."

Drax shook his head. "We have a Fate Anchor to assist in killing a Titan. Keep that always in your thoughts, I do not wish to see you removed from the narrative because there was no room for two heroes."

"There should always be room for more heroes!" Peter was liking the sound of this 'Fate Anchor' stuff less and less. (Anchors just weigh you down. (Yeah, that's a good one.)) "Mr Stark is a great hero, but he's done a ton to make me a better hero too!"

"Perhaps so," the new wizard interrupted, "But from Stephen's instructions, it seems that in this particular case, the large gentleman is correct. Unfortunately, however, we do not keep a stock of weapons, certainly not any that can be used by someone untrained in the mystic arts."

Other Peter looked horrified. "Seriously? All this stuff and not a single Vorpal Sword?"

"This stuff is a collection of extremely powerful and useful relics. Weapons which achieve such power often gather a darkness to themselves which requires them to be contained rather than used."

Peter decided to head off any arguments about it being worth the risk, because even though it would sound good to need someone incorruptible, he was well past believing the comics that Rogers really was that person. (Also, need to find something to bring to Captain America fast!) 

"Okay, so nothing here is made to be a weapon, but that doesn't mean none of it's useful. It's like in that old space movie where the Marines had all sorts of massive guns and rocket launchers, but Ripley did the final alien boss fight in a battle suit that was built to be a forklift."

Other Peter's eyes lit up in excitement. "Oh yeah, when the door comes up and she clumps out with the big pinchers rotating and goes…"

"Get away from her, you bitch!" Peter was surprised that the wizard had joined in with the two of them, (Heh, wizards watch movies too!) and was now looking around the room with a new perspective. "Yes, perhaps…" He opened a case and took out what looked like a set of bright red crystal bracelets. "These are meant to restrain rogue magic users, but if a person puts them on voluntarily, they could effectively act as a form of armor. Members of the order never used them that way as they would still hold in magic, but Mr Rogers is a purely physical fighter already."

"This is good," Drax declared. "Something that will play to his strengths."

"Very cool," Peter agreed, before an alert had him bringing up his facemask to check the message Karen had passed on.

** Get to Wakanda for fight, distract Rogers with magic stuff, conference call to stop them from killing Viz while I weld. **

"Um, okay, we've gotta move it." (Hope that sounded commanding and not panicked.) "Can you make us a portal, Mr Wizard, Sir? I'll go first since they kinda know me and I should be able to dodge if they panic and shoot."

The wizard nodded and began making the sparkly circle and Other Peter grabbed the bands. "Get your game face on, Drax, first impressions matter."

"I use the same face for games as everything else."

Peter braced himself for the upcoming conversation. "This better work…"


	4. You don't change horses midstream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added the unreliable narrator tag for this chapter in particular, because Steve's view of the situation, especially Tony's feelings and motivations is not always going to be accurate.
> 
> For the 2020 Tony Stark Bingo.
> 
> Card #4094
> 
> Square R4 - "I regret nothing"

Captain America stood strong at the head of the reunited Avengers and the Wakandan army and waited for the forces that would come to attack one of their own. With Bucky again by his side and a band of true warriors at their backs, they were ready for this fight. The so called 'titan' wouldn't get what he wanted, and Wanda wouldn't have to lose anything else. 

"Satellites are detecting large ships about to enter the atmosphere," one of the women reported, and Steve was tightening his grip on the temporary replacement shield he had been provided when a light to the side caught his eye.

"-endly! Friendly! Friendly!" A figure in red and blue leapt through the portal and dodged a bullet and two blasts from the Wakandans' spears before War Machine landed beside him and called a ceasefire.

"Kid, what are you doing here? I heard you caught a ride on the Space Donut?"

"I did, and we went to a whole other planet, and met some guys who were looking for Mr Captain America to help!"

"For me?" Steve was deeply complimented. Here he was, just a little guy from Brooklyn, and people from a whole other planet understood that he was the one who could best defend Earth.

Two men had stepped through the portal in the meantime, a fairly normal looking one with fancy guns and a large, definitely alien fellow. "If you are America's Captain, yes," the big one said. "We found Thor after his fight with Thanos. He is getting a new weapon, but sent us ahead."

"Yeah, the wizard guy and our friend Mantis are gonna try to delay Thanos on Titan while we fight, well, those guys." The more human one pointed up at the shapes starting to descend through the clouds. "The wizard sent these, though. They will make someone with unstoppable determination much harder to damage, but can't be used by someone with magic or energy powers."

Captain America thought quickly of whether Natasha or Bucky needed them more, but War Machine spoke first. "Put them on, Cap. An army needs its leader, and we can't have our morale broken if an ugly gets a lucky hit on you." He might have objected, but there was no time, and really, who had shown more constancy and determination than him? 

"Where is Iron Man?" The bands fit easily over his hands but felt snug against his wrists and a glow seemed to spread through him, giving a crimson sheen to his uniform. "Is he helping with the delaying action?"

"No, he had a revelation about the arc reactor and these Infinity Stones," the spider kid said excitedly. "He's putting together something to help against Thanos when he gets here."

Steve nodded, the engineer had always worked best under pressure, but he wouldn't count on anything. For now, he felt an incredible urge to move, and when the first of the ships touched down, he took off running, T'Challa and Bucky right behind him.

The fight was brutal, with waves of monstrous aliens supporting more of the so called "Children of Thanos" who seemed determined to have Vision's Stone to present to their master when he arrived. But none of them could stop Steve, who moved through their ranks like a knife, or occasionally like a bowling ball, cutting many down with the bladed shield and scattering the rest in his wake.

He was less aware of the battle around him than usual, determined to destroy all obstacles in his path, but he knew that Vision had joined the fight, Stone still in place, and the stronger alien enemies had all been taken down. Then another golden portal opened up above the allied aliens, dropping two strange women and the wizard that they had seen on TV being kidnapped into space. Friendlies, then.

"He is coming! Focus your attacks on the glove, it must be destroyed!" The wizard began building layered cages of light around himself and Vision, clearly determined to protect their Stones, while the antennaed woman collapsed into the large alien man's arms and the bald blue one leapt to slaughter the remaining monstrous aliens. It was really quite impressive, but Steve had no time to get introductions or watch others when he could be charging into battle himself.

The Mad Titan appeared through a dark tear in the world, and then everything was happening at once. A burst from the golden glove destroyed the vibranium shield like it was that old stage prop, but the crimson bands and Steve's own determination kept him on his feet. Then while War Machine and Wanda launched powerful attacks, a burst of multicolored light brought Thor and two more alien supporters, the strangest ones yet.

The surge of hope that went through him at that, however, was nothing beside what he felt when an oh so familiar voice came over the coms. "Heads up, Capsicle, you're missing something!"

Now everything was right, all of them facing this threat together as they should be, and Steve barely had to look, catching the shield from the angle he knew Iron Man would throw at and bringing it around just as a wave of crackling energy crashed over him. He instantly forgave the slightly altered weight of his familiar weapon when the roiling power broke harmlessly around it. 

Stark had arced around to be behind Thanos and was hammering at him with repulsor blasts while Thor threw lightning, but they were only keeping the Titan off balance, not seeming to do any real damage. "Keep him open, Avengers," he shouted into his com. "I'll take out the Glove."

"Cap, no! The amount of power that could release at close range-" The Iron Man suit rolled with the impact of what seemed like half the mountain telekinetically thrown at him but stayed up and released a barrage of lasers that actually staggered Thanos. Even over the coms, Steve could hear the pain in his voice. "I can think of something!"

_ "There's men laying down their lives over there. What right do I have to do any different?" _

They wouldn't be able to hold the Titan off for long.

_ "Who wants to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?" _

The energy weapons alone weren't doing enough, but he had the strongest metal on the planet with an arc reactor aura that would ignore any shields his enemy might have.

_ "I have to put her in the water." _

And he was stronger and faster than even he had ever been in his life. 

"Sometimes you can't cut the wire, Tony."

He charged. 

The Avengers redoubled their efforts, with even Vision rising from behind the spell wall to release his beam attack. Thanos didn't even see Steve coming until he was there, slamming the edge of his shield into the seam between two Stones. 

The blast of power came to each side of the protective field and ate through the crimson barrier like it was nothing, but that was all right. He could see before the flash half blinded him that the energy came from a breach in the weapon, not a deliberate attack.

He was vaguely aware of Thor and the blue woman finishing the dazed Titan off, but focused his fading vision on the armor landing shakily beside him. "You- you did it, Cap." An armored hand was gently laid on his shoulder. "We're safe."

"We did it," he said, barely able to recognize his weakened voice. "Together." 

"Stevie!"

"Steve, dammit man, don't do this!"

Before his two friends could get there, he reached with what felt like a herculean effort for Tony's arm. "Take care of them for me. They'll need you… and you need them…"

The mask stayed up, but Steve could hear the emotions Stark was trying to hide in his choked voice. "You got it, Cap. We… we'll take care of each other."

Iron Man backed respectfully away as Bucky and Sam knelt on either side of him.

"I turn my back on you for a minute, Punk, and you go throwing yourself into something stupid, huh?"

He smiled shakily. "Had him… on the ropes."

"Steve, man…"

The shield felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, but he lifted it one last time to press it into Sam's hands. "World needs… Avengers. And Avengers… need a Captain…" The other man seemed ready to object, and he put everything he had left into lifting himself slightly and speaking firmly. " **I** need to know it's with the right person, Sam."

"Okay, I'll do it, Steve, it's okay."

"It will be... You'll all be okay… together…" He felt the darkness closing in and didn't fight it. Captain America had done his duty for the last time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The titles for the main work and all the chapters come from an odd but delightful film called Wag the Dog. 
> 
> The magic item given to Steve is the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak. This spell shows up in comics and the movies as a restraint, but is also related to the cursed gem which gave the Juggernaut his powers. I decided to have Steve acting even more like a wrecking ball than usual and make "unstoppable" references based on this.
> 
> The lines before Steve's final attack are his from The First Avenger. (If I got any details wrong, we'll assume that Steve's memory, like my own, is imperfect.) I've always felt like MCU Steve wanted desperately to make a heroic sacrifice, to the point of verging on a death wish at times, and I see this as the proper ending of his hero's story as he saw it. (Unlike certain directors, I don't think it was ever a selfless desire, but that's another subject.)


End file.
